Lanier Hutchinson
Counselor
12 Years of Experience
Specialties: Lifelong incontinence, the practical questions, first conversations
Lanier Hutchinson
Counselor
Lanier has worn diapers since he was a boy. An accident left him incontinent, and what began as a medical fact became, over many years, simply part of how he lives. He is entirely matter of fact about it, and that alone puts people at ease faster than anything he could say.
He knows the practical side better than almost anyone. Which products actually hold up overnight, how to manage a long drive or a flight, what to do about skin, how to pack for a week away without a bag full of worry. If you have a question you would be too embarrassed to type into a search engine, Lanier has already lived it.
He also knows the other half of it, the part that has nothing to do with absorbency. The dread before telling somebody. The fear of being seen. The relief, years later, of working out that the thing you were most ashamed of turned out to be the least interesting thing about you.
Lanier went into counseling because there was nobody there for him when he was young, and he decided somebody ought to be. He spent nine years on crisis lines before he came here, which is why he is unusually good at the part most people find hardest.
What it is like to talk to Lanier
The first sixty seconds. That is the bit Lanier is best at. He does not need you to have decided how much you are going to say before you call, because almost nobody has.
He is unhurried and he does not fill silences. If you need a minute before you start, he will wait, and he will not make it awkward. He has taken enough first calls to know that the pause is not a problem, it is just what the beginning sounds like.
Because he lives this himself, the practical conversation and the emotional one are not separate for him. You can ask him something completely mundane about products or laundry or traveling and end up somewhere much bigger, and that is often exactly how it goes.
In Lanier’s own words
People apologize to me constantly. Sorry for wasting your time, sorry for how weird this sounds, sorry, sorry, sorry. And I always want to say, you have not said anything yet.
There is a specific fear underneath it that I recognize very well, because I grew up with it. It is not the fear of being told no. It is the fear of the pause. The half second where you watch somebody’s face change and you find out what they really think of you.
So the thing I try to give people is a conversation with no pause in it. You say the sentence you have been dreading and nothing happens. No flinch, no silence, no careful voice. Just me, still here, asking what happened next.
When somebody realizes I mean it, they usually go very quiet for a second. Then everything comes out. Twenty years of it sometimes, in about four minutes. I never get used to that and I do not want to. It is the whole reason I do this.
Lanier, on what this work gives back
Things people have said to Lanier
These are the kinds of sentences that open calls here. If one of them sounds like something you have thought, you are in ordinary company, and Lanier has answered it many times before.
- This is going to sound insane and I am sorry in advance.
- I am not incontinent. I just want to wear them. Is that worse?
- How do I do this without my roommate finding out?
- I have deleted my browser history every single night for eleven years.
- I do not know whether to call this a medical thing or a want.
- I am terrified you are going to laugh at me.
You will not shock Lanier
Lanier is a good first call. Plenty of people speak to him once, find that the sky did not fall in, and discover they can say a great deal more the next time. Whether this is medical for you, or a want, or some tangle of both that you have never been able to separate, he has heard it and he has very likely lived it.
There is nothing you cannot say
Nothing is too strange, too private, or too much, and nothing you say will surprise Lanier. Start wherever feels easiest, and take as long as you need.
Click to talk to Lanier(888) 771-2235
Or choose how long you would like
No sign up, nothing recurring. Sessions can be any length in between.
How It Works
Three simple steps. No accounts. No sign-ups. No records.
Call the Number
Dial (888) 771-2235 any time, day or night. We connect you with the first available counselor.
Talk About Anything
Whatever is on your mind, we have heard it before and we will never judge you.
Hang Up and Breathe
No follow-up calls. No records. Your privacy is absolute.
🔒 Your Privacy Is Sacred
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